Letting Go of Control

March 29, 2023

If I would have been told 2 years ago that letting go of control over my life would bring me joy, ease & flow I would have never believed it. I am sharing my story with you in hopes that you feel the freedom in my words and are inspired to open up to this way of life.

Control was a word I would have described as organized, in charge & put together. And I did not see it as a, for lack of a better word, negative aspect in my life. It was how I did things, who I was and the way I lived my life. I kept things moving and did what I needed to do to have things work out how I thought they should work out. I knew how I wanted things and I made it happen.

Control is defined as the power or authority to guide or manage. It is also often a response to fear, insecurities & the unknown.

Knowing what you don’t want.

Control has been a word that has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. Looking back I never sat with myself long enough to realize it. It wasn’t until 2022 during a leadership training that I put a label to it and decided the way I was using it wasn’t serving me or the ones I love.

I am a controller. Well let’s say I am a recovering controller. Once I had the realization that the way I was living my life & making decisions was not serving me at all, I chose to do something different. And the journey is a continuous one.

stones tipping, feather
Mom, boy, meditation

Control as a mom.

My intense control started once we had our first child. I know it was part of my life before this, it just came on full force once I was a mom. As a mom I felt that everything fell on my shoulders. I now know this was a pressure I put upon myself and I wasn’t aware of it at the time. Honestly, looking back, I think it was a survival skill I learned. It was my job to keep my kid alive & healthy and I did everything I knew to achieve that.

I kept things organized, all the toys had a spot and we had a schedule so I knew what to expect each day. Controlling their food was a big one with me. And it still is something I am working on letting go of.

When the kids were little it was easy to ‘take care of them’ as I called it. As they got older they developed their personalities and started testing boundaries. They started testing me. This was right about the time I started to do work on myself. Oh how perfect things work out.

The transition.

It was a really tough transition from the controlling mom I was to the mom I wanted to be at my soul level. As I continued to work on myself and heal from my past traumas, so much was revealed on how I was creating the same tendencies in my kids. And to be honest I am still learning and growing to this day. I think the hardest part has been seeing how I programmed my kids to be the same way. To feel the need to control situations in their lives. 

So now I am working to undo all that I did. To show them how to live in the moment and how to take things in stride. Pointing out that things happen exactly how they should if we trust in our intuition and make choices from our heart and not our head. How empowering life is when we create our days from ease, flow & joy instead of control, fear & scarcity. 

Living as the example.

As I have shifted how I show up each day, respond to situations & live my life, I am showing our kids what’s possible. I was the mom who was  under extreme stress and  filled with anxiety. I am now a calm parent who shows up to support them without letting my past experiences influence me. Our 8 year old refers to me as the ‘new mommy’ versus the ‘old mommy’. Hearing that let me know the changes I have made are influencing them in the most positive way.

It’s not only what we say to our kids and the tone we use when talking to them, it’s who they see us BEing. Our kids are looking to us for guidance, direction & answers in life. They notice how we talk to people, how we view ourselves, how we handle situations, the tone we use, the words we say, the faces we make. They notice it ALL!

Beyond what we do each day, it’s who we are being that they notice. How we are showing up in our days, the things we choose to fill our days with, the way we choose to view situations that arise. We are the example so how we show up is how they are going to learn to show up too.

It’s never too late.

Start today. It all starts with one small change. Share the journey with your kids and involve them in it. Be open and authentic in the things you have done or said that you aren’t proud of, apologize and promise you are always working on being better. Let them see you fail and let them see you learn from that mistake and make a different decision the next time. Live your life authentically and they will follow.